The fatal conservative need to understand everything that's none of their business has reared its ugly head. And the fool I am, fell for it and tried to help my father understand ranked choice voting (not even an option in my state!). When will I understand that it's always a trap?! I need to get back to sipping my water and not giving a damn how confused they are. One of these days I'm going to be financially independent and then I'll be able to give them an earful without risking homelessness. My mom revealed to me that she suspects me to be trans; I don't give a fuck what she knows about me. They both lost the privelege to know about me when they started discouraging any sign of dissent from their cookie cutter vision of me. It's just so rich how my father disdains the control of the government with his boot on my neck. I'm going to start biting.
Blog Posts
Things are getting... better, I think. I'm officially moving in with my brother in January. No more Trump supporter bullshit! And closer to work! Yayyyyyy!
I'm getting used to work and making an effort to make the most of my time. Since I work nightshift, there's a lot of downtime that I can use to create art, (ideally) work on this site, play games, or whatever! I often fall victim to the allure of Scrolling On My Phone™, but I'm trying to stay engaged in meaningful activities. One thing that I want to learn to do is video editing. I've started working on a youtube poop and that's been really fun, albeit tedious as fuck. It makes for a fine way to pass the hours though!
I'm turning 23 this week and for awhile I was having some weird feelings about it, but I think things are gonna be okay.
Last night I watched Repo! The Genetic Opera for the first time and just. Waow. What a fun time! I fear that I may be becoming a pretentious film bro because these fucked up little movies are like crack to me. I previously shrugged off most feature length films because my attention span is more suited to series where I can stop at defined stopping points, but with my need to stay awake all night it's not like there's much else for me to get up and do. That said, I'd love to hear y'all's film reccommendations in my guestbook or on my profile. Most conveniently on Hulu or Max (or god forbid, disney+??? Not sure how that'd work lol) but I'm not above piracy.
Also listened to Miracle Musical: Hawaii, Part II for the first time since high school recently. I forgot how good it is! A cover of The Mind Electric showed up in my Spotify reccommendations (omitting the reversed portion, much more listenable) and rekindled my interest in the album. For the longest time, I had only really listened to Dream Sweet in Sea Major, so it was fun rediscovering the preceding tracks.
I've been trying to suck up any and all weird art and media that I can get my hands on like a sponge for fear that I might die if I don't. For (I think) four weeks now, I've been attending weekly zine meetups in Portland. It's one of the only things I can find to do at night without drinking. My parents hem and haw about me going to Portland (because they are Bitches™) but I am being so good and polite and not humoring their bullshit. I've also been watching weird artsy films like Fantastic Planet (1973) and I Saw the TV Glow (2024). I felt fundamentally changed after watching each. I keep reeling through them in my mind and just. ;lkadjfl;jdsljflj. I'm obsessed and have no coherent thoughts.
Also I saw Remi Wolf in concert last week and I think it was one of the best concerts I've attended. I got to give away a couple bracelets, so that was fun.
I've been working nights for a week and I'm starting to get a little stir crazy. I'm not sure if it's worse being at work or being at home with my parents. I can't really go to any third places because they're not open at night on my off days. I feel really trapped and lonely, and I'm not sure what to do about it. At least I have a new hyperfixation; I binged all of Moral Orel for the first time over my weekend and just. Goddamn. It scratches the trauma just right in a way I didn't know I needed. I feel so seen. While I know the creators wanted to make more seasons, I feel like the current length is really healthy and ideal for the story. It's enough to leave a fandom wanting more and so we can create it together.
Today marks my first officially normal day at my new job. I've done a few training shifts, but it's the real deal now. It's been a walk in the park so far! In other news, I took a vacation to Las Vegas last weekend. I have mixed feelings about it; the trip was for slut activities, but very little sluttery occurred (and tbh, it's probably my own fault). I at least got to cross off a few bucket list items while I was there: I visited the Hello Kitty Cafe, the Omega Mart, and a claw arcade. All in all, not a bad deal.
I'm back from a brief hiatus. I've been adjusting to life at home, trying to make my childhood bedroom into something more adult. Despite dealing with my parets, I have a couple pearls of good news: I was accepted for a job at a shelter for homeless youth, and I made my collage designs into stickers, which I sold for the first time at Portland's "Last Thursday" art market. I sold seven of them, just about breaking even when considering the gas I used to get there. Nonetheless, I'm just happy to get my art into people's hands. I hope to attend next month's market as well, but I'm not sure if my work schedule will allow it. As promised, enjoy a couple kitty pictures:
I graduated last Saturday and I'm enjoying the post-school life! I have a couple job interviews coming up on Friday, so I'm moving back home tomorrow. It'll be with my bigoted parents, but hey, free rent and groceries are free rent and groceries. Plus, I get to see my cats again, who I miss dearly. Prepare to be subjected to several photos of them upon arrival.
The good news: I am finished with my finals and may well never have to do homework ever again! The bad news: I was rejected for the job that I was so sure I was getting and now have to scramble to churn out job applications so I can have a successful independent life. The *internal screaming* news: I am a unique person and can't follow the same map my brother did because I WILL start biting if I do. I have no idea where to apply for jobs because I don't know where I'm gonna live, but I can't live anywhere until I have a job... life is hell :)
Happy pride month bitches. My capstone paper is turned in and I think it might have been the hardest thing I have ever done. Everything this weekend went off without a hitch: Black graduation went fantastic, it was okay that I was late for rehearsals, and my first ever drag performance went great! Last minute, they informed us that we could accept tips, so I made an hour's paycheck during my performance. I came in third place by the vote of audience applause out of five amateur performers - nothing to sneeze at! My drag name is "Daddy Bod" so I tried to lean into the fatherhood gimmick, performing Father Figure by George Michael and Time of the Season by The Zombies. I wanted to perform Milf Song by The Puddleducks, but the dj couldn't get the rights to it.
On Sunday I attended Lavender Graduation and it was... kinda ass. I had some higher expectations from the pride committee meetings I had attended back when I worked at the diversity center and of course, when I don't have eyes on it, they turned around and flopped, complete with an anti-union keynote speaker who got my friend fired. I put so much work into prior graduations and had kinda hoped for better, but I suppose I should lower my expectations as a 2020 high school graduate. I think I'm doomed to have graduations leave a sour taste in my mouth. We'll see how the actual commencement goes though.
I am so close to graduation, yet so far. My presentation of my research for my accessibility capstone project went well, but it's like pulling teeth getting myself to work on writing my results down. I'm signed up to help with a graduation ceremony and then immediately have to rehearse for an ameteur drag performance. Curse my need to participate in things! I wish that I could attend my town's pride parade that morning and my friends' party that night, but I'm just too busy. On top of this stress, some guy who ghosted me has the gall to reach out again and expect me to be just as enthusiastic about [REDACTED] as I was before he left me high and dry. But hey, in two weeks I will have different problems.
I had a very artsy weekend, but that's dangerous because every time I do, my couch gets covered in random art supplies that I am too drained to put away. The due date of my accessibility studies capstone project marches ever closer and I DO NOT WANT TO WORK ON IT but I gotta. Who would've thought college would be so much work?/j I've been obsessed with Pokemon Go recently for some reason. It's something to do, I guess.
My new job is incredible! Work is very fulfilling and my boss is an absolute peach! I am feeling great but I am also soooooo tired. I'm hitting the ground running for my last quarter of college. It seems that I am over the hill of senioritis, but there is a lingering fear that I will burn out. I have applied to my post-graduation job and am eagerly awaiting a response. With my roommate away, I need to go out of my way for social interaction and it may be difficult. To quote the great Mitski, I am holding my breath with a baseball bat, but I don't know what I'm waiting for.
I just got back from spring break and it was NOT long enough. I am so so so tired and I am being thrown full force into so many classes... and a new job! I got the accessibility assistant position I applied for and will be starting later this week! While I'm excited for this, I also wish that I could just stay home. I broke out the old Wii during the break and have been having a field day with old games from my childhood like Super Mario Galaxy and Mario Super Sluggers. I even figured out the hack to make online Mario Kart Wii work again, I just need to make my current Wi-Fi situation connect properly. The fanmade tracks have been lots of fun though, I especially like "Undiscovered Offlimit."
Hoooo boy. I have a job interview today and I'm excited but nervous. I've grown frustrated with my minimum wage job at my school's diversity center as I continually realize that we are nothing more than the university's PR team... in this new position I may ACTUALLY do something, and get paid more for it! I was recommended for this position as an accessibility assistant to a professor, which would be a great way to use my experience in my accessibility studies minor.
If I'm offered the position, I'm considering using it as leverage to improve things in my current job, but it's seeming better and better to just take the job! I feel for my current coworkers who are good people in a shitty situation, but I'm afraid I might have to jump ship. It's just for one quarter anyway, and I still intend to be a friend to all of them. Plus, once I don't have to worry about my job security, I can support their positions against their bosses without repercussions!
It's starting to set in that my life is about to hit me like a speeding truck. I'm salivating over the wage possibly offered to me by the job that I'm applying to. Spring is almost here and I'll have the apartment to myself. I know I should be preparing myself, but my brain has become addicted to Toontown Corporate Clash; alas, there is nothing I can do. At least I'm getting better at ASL! It's my third year studying it, so it's about time I feel some semblance of confidence.
I have some fun plans in the works for this site, but I have to be home to accomplish them and I spend the majority of my time on here when I'm bored at work. We'll get there though.
I just enrolled in my last quarter of classes before I graduate and I feel... something. I'm dreading the last bits of really hard work. I'm excited to finally be out of here. I'm dreading having to go back home to my parents and start my life. I'm excited to get closer to being out of their house for good. I'm dreading having my beloved roommate leave me next quarter. I'm relieved that I finally got my classes figured out. I'm excited because I ordered more beads last night. Unrelated, but exciting. I'm glad it's friday!
Hi again internet! It's been a busy week and I am EXHAUSTED. Just last weekend I ran my college's first ever 2LGBTQIA+ prom! It was tons of fun and it went better than I ever could have dreamed. I was worried at first that people might not dance, but my attendees ended up dancing so much that they BROKE the dance floor. What a good problem to have! 90 people showed up, which is incredible for my small-ish school.
Ever since Saturday, I have been slowly building up my energy. Despite way too much homework and an order of beads that got returned because I entered my address wrong, I'm still up and kicking (albeit very sad about the beads). May life be kind to me; I am so so so tired.
Howdy world! Welcome to my mess. In under 24 hours of knowing anything about code, I've managed to bang out a functioning website. I say that's something to be proud of! While unexpected, I think managing this place will be a great hobby for me as 2024 kicks off. Coding always seemed so out of reach for me; I tried to learn javascript on codeacademy back in the day, but couldn't figure out some part and gave up. Now that I'm here, can I just say, the vibes are immaculate! It's been so fun making this place my own and seeing what everyone else is doing! Pro tip: If you want great music to listen to while coding, check out the Paradise Killer OST. It does not disappoint! I've been rummaging through all my records as I work on this (to make sure that I'm getting up and moving a little bit by having to turn the record over) and I remembered that I got that album on vinyl for Christmas a couple years ago. Thanks B, you knocked it out of the park!
Unfortunately, between this and waaaaaay too much Splatoon 3, I've neglected the homework for the class I need to catch up on. College life is so good, don't get me wrong. But I can't help but yearn for the financial stability of the workforce. The brief stint living with my parents again is daunting, but soon I'll be out for good!